Her husband spends more on relatives than wife and daughter
Fatwa No: 301462

Question

Assalam o alaikumI am 31 year old married Muslimah with one daughter. I was married about four years ago. My nikkah took place in 2011 and I did not want to marry my husband because I did not like him physically. I did not even like his family. He is the head of the household since his father abandoned his mother and his brothers and sisters many years ago. He told us he support his mother and his unmarried brothers and sisters. I got married to him under pressure and I tried getting khula for him but my mother did not support me. She wanted me to get married because my age was passing by. After i got married, i was bless with daughter. But me and my husband fight alot because I cannot stand him. I do not feel like obeying him or doing anything. Also in our marriage, I found out that he also supports his married elder brother and sister financially. He has taken some loan to build his home for the sake of his mother. He took some more loan which is equal to $25000 recently and now intends to apply for a second bank loan on installements. He does not support me except he is giving me accomodation and food. He does not spend on his daughter and seldomly bought clothes for her. I am telling him not to take the loan since his salary is not sufficient enough to support us. I am working as home based job to meet my expenditures such as eating out, buying gifts for my family and daughter. Sometimes i spend on my husband and give on monthly grocery. I am now fed up from this way of living and want my husband to take care of my baby and me. He says he is providing me accomodation and food. He does not fulfill me sexually but he always wants sex and finishes off before I reach the orgasm. I do not like this person and I dont want to live with him and I am resorting to divorce because i dont feel compatible with him. He send money to his mother and family whenever they ask him but when i ask for something, for example clothes or makeup he doesnt have any. Please help me

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

The husband is obliged to provide for his wife and his children on reasonable terms. The obligatory maintenance includes providing sufficient food, housing and clothing on reasonable terms.

Therefore, if your husband provides for you the obligatory maintenance, then you have no right to ask him for divorce under the pretext that he is negligent in providing. But if he withholds the obligatory maintenance from you and your daughter, then you may take a reasonable amount of his money to fulfill the needs of you and your daughter without his knowledge.

You should know that in order for married couples to achieve affection, they should be patient, overlook each other’s shortcomings and look at the good aspects in the features and conduct of their spouse.

Your husband's eagerness to be kind and dutiful to his mother and keep good relations with his family is a good act and consists in good conduct, so you should be happy with this and help him to do so.

Also, you should be frank with your husband and have mutual understanding in regard to your intimate relationship so that each of you keeps the other chaste. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 85308and 85167.

If you exert all your efforts but your life with your husband still does not become stable and you feel an aversion toward him and feel that you cannot fulfill his rights, then you may request Khul‘ from him.

For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 131953.

Allaah Knows best.

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