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Fatwa CenterAddressing parents done with best expressions
Question
Assalaamu alaykum, Scholar. My questions is regarding speaking good to parents by using good words. In my case, I feel shy or embarassed to use words as ‘my beloved father’, or, ‘I love you father’, or ‘may Allaah protect you’, or, ‘may Allaah forgive you’, and so on. I do not live in a religious family or in a family where these expressions are common; rather, I speak normal words according to my context, such as ‘Hello, Papa, how are you? How is your work?’ and so on, normal expressions which I do not feel shy about. With my mother, I have a closer relation, so I kiss her and tell her I love her and so on. I want to make clear that I do not use very very good words with them; I just speak to them in a way that is obviously better than how I speak to other people, but not with such good words because I feel shy and and it feels strange. They also do not blame me for that; in fact, I think that my mother is happy with the way I treat her (regarding speaking to her and helping her). So my question is whether it is obligatory to use beautiful expressions, such as, ‘I love you’, ‘may Allaah guide you’, ‘may Allaah protect you’, ‘may Allaah have mercy on you’, ‘my beloved father’, ‘my beloved mother’, ‘Abati’, and so on, or can I use normal expressions with them, such as, ‘Mama’, ‘Papa’, ‘How are you’, ‘Do you need help?’, ‘How was your day?’ and so on?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
One of the best forms of dutifulness towards the parents is to speak to them in a gentle way and to choose the best and nicest words when addressing them. There are no specific expressions that must be used in this regard; rather, this matter is determined by what the people are used to. With some people, the expressions that are preferred in speaking to the father are different from those that are preferred in speaking with the mother. This is a flexible matter.
Allah, The Exalted, says (what means): {...but speak to them a noble word.} [Quran 17:23] As-Sa‘di 
commented on this verse, saying, “The verse means: speak to them with words that they like to hear, and be polite and gentle, with good soft speech that delights their hearts and comforts their souls. Such speech differs according to the different states of people and to different times and customs.”
We implore Allah, The Exalted, to bless you with dutifulness towards your parents and that you earn their pleasure and be joined with them in the garden of Firdaws, which is the highest rank in Paradise.
Allah knows best.
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