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Fatwa CenterHusband refused to have children and abandoned wife
Question
Assalaamu alaykum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuhu. Dear Shaykhs, please help me in this matter. I have been married for three years, and I am currently staying at my parents house and have been separated from my husband since a year due to lots of issues that we have. I used to ask for divorce because of many reasons; the main one is that he refused to let me stay in my own place and was forcing me to stay with his parents and a single brother. And the second one is that he does not want to have children and uses protection when we are intimate. By Allaah, O Shaykh, that was real torture for me, because I used to feel cheap, as if I was one of the street girls. I talked to him about it, but he says that it is not a big deal and that I must just deal with it and pretend that he is not wearing anything. Ever since I have been back at my parents' house, he has not provided for me, knowing that I live in another country, nor even came to see me, nor has he tried to solve the matter with me in front of my family at least... I tried to reconcile, even though he is at fault, but he says that he is not ready to take me back anytime soon nor to divorce me; he says that if I want my divorce I should go get it myself from the court, which is almost impossible, because it takes quite a long to get that kind of divorce in my country without his presence. Please help, I do not know what to do, I am helpless, my life is getting ruined and wasted.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
Our advice to you is, first of all, to be patient, as patience is the best source of comfort for the Muslim at times of distress. It is also a reason for attaining a higher status in the Hereafter, having one's sins forgiven, and expecting relief by the will of Allah. Please refer to fatwa 83577 about the merits of patience.
You should supplicate Allah, The Exalted, and implore Him to rectify your husband and relieve your distress and grief. One of the suitable supplications in your case was related in the verse that reads (what means): {And those who say: Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.} [Quran 25:74]
Abu Bakrah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said, “The supplications of distress are: 'Allahumma rahmataka arju, fala takilni ila nafsi tarfata ‘ayn, wa aslih li sha'ni kullahu, la ilaaha illa ant.' (which means: O Allah, I hope for Your mercy; do not leave me in charge of my affairs even for the blink of an eye, and rectify for me all of my affairs. None has the right to be worshiped except You).” [Abu Daawood]
You have a right over your husband to provide you with a separate house instead of living with his family, even if it is rented, or in a separate part of his family's house for you. He is also obliged to provide for you within reason as long as you are not recalcitrant. He must also allow you to have children. For benefit, please refer to fatwas 84608, 195927 and 107998.
There is no doubt that you are entitled to request a divorce, and your husband must fulfill your due rights over him or divorce you. It is prohibited for him to leave you hanging, in the sense that you are legally married but actually unmarried.
It is advisable to seek the mediation of wise relatives from your family and his to try to achieve a reconciliation or end the marriage graciously, even if you would have to pay him a compensation, i.e. ask for a Khul’ (divorce at the instance of the wife in return for a compensation payable by her) as previously underlined in fatwa 89039.
Allah knows best.
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