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Fatwa CenterIll-treatment from the Mother and Family
Question
My question is about my husband's family treatment towards their son. He is 61yrs old and his mother likes all the other sons, grandsons more than us, even though we are far all our life from her she still has this hatred towards us.She has this soft corner for her sons & grandsons a lot. She wants us to send her only money so that she can make things easy for her son with whom she lives. And when we send this son money, he uses it for himself and doesnt even inform her that my husband sent, which in turn increases her hatred.She stays in Jordan and is 80+ and does nt want us to even come there, she has no interest, we should only send money from far. I can say one thing that my husband is different from them that is religion. They are very lenient people, wearing tight clothes, jeans and hijab type which my husband hates & he even told his mother its haram, and it had become a big issue. She knows he is strict from the beginning. She even once insulted him saying that if he was married to any other lady than her she would long back leave him, it was very big insult front of his other brother & sister in law. I cant understand why a mother can say like this, what hatred she has in her heart, just because my husband is a strict man. As a wife I respect his religious character a lot ALHAMDULILLAH but she treats us like this. even his brothers and their wives dont wish anything good for us nor our children. they want everything good for themselves. My husband had asked his brother to propose for a close relations daughter for our son on his behalf as we are far, instead of him taking elders with him or even speaking to her by phone he sent his youngest son to ask the mother which made her upset and she refused. In a way she spoilt it for us. We have nobody here in this country where we stay & they dont want us to come, only send money. Its very sad and haram on their part to do like this with us. Thy only have hasad,hatred and selfishness. We are degraded Pls advise
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
First of all, we ask Allah to increase your husband in goodness and piety, and to reconcile between you and his family.
It is very strange that his mother and other members of the family hate your husband and his family. In general, the mother loves her children and grandchildren. Such a behavior [from his mother and others] may have unpleasant and dispraised consequences, especially with regard to severing ties with kinship, as this is one of the things that result in the wrath and curse of Allah and spread corruption in the land. Allah Says (what means): {So would you perhaps, if you turned away, cause corruption on earth and sever your [ties of] relationship? Those [who do so] are the ones that Allah has cursed, so He deafened them and blinded their vision.} [Quran 47:22-23]
One of the most important things that we recommend you to do, is to be patient and to supplicate Allah to rectify your affairs.
The matter becomes even more serious if this hatred is because of your husband’s adherence to the religion, as this means that they are ignorant and heedless people –may Allah guide them. However, you have to encounter this mistreatment with patience and to repel evil with kindness as Allah may make this a reason for the situation to improve. Allah Says (what means): {And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend.} [Quran 41:34]
Ibn Katheer 
said about the interpretation of the above verse: "This means, when someone wrongs you, then repel tat by treating him kindly. […] If you treat those who treat you badly with kindness, then this good treatment will lead to reconciliation, love and empathy, and it will be as if he is a close friend to you and he will feel pity for you and be kind to you." [End of quote]
There is no doubt that your husband helping his mother with some money is a type of kindness to her and he will find its good outcome –Allah willing –in his worldly life and in his Hereafter.
The scholars stated that the parent –whether it is the father or the mother –is entitled to take from the money of his/her child (children) when needed and in a manner that does not harm the child, and that he should not take this money to give it to his/her other child.
We recommend that if your husband sends money to his mother through his brother, then he should inform her.
Allah knows best.
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