Avoid Discord with Your Husband
Fatwa No: 384805

Question

Assalamualaikum. I've been married for 17 months. My husband works abroad and hence we do not stay in a our home country with family. We were recently blssed with a baby daughter. We've come home for vacation now. My parents are asking me to to stay with them for a few more weeks after my husband leaves because I have nobody to help me with taking care of the baby and household work abroad. But my husband is reluctant to leave me and go back He says he cannot live without me, especially alone. He gets upset whenever I bring the topic. Is it right on my part to ask him to leave me at my parents place for a few weeks knowing that this will upset him greatly? Is it right on his part to only think about himself and not about my comfort and ease?

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

First of all, we emphasize on the importance that the spouses have mutual understanding and respect in all their affairs, and that they should be tolerant to each other as much as possible in order to maintain the stability of the family and block the way of the devil and prevent anything that can lead to discord.

Allah Says (what means): {And tell My servants to say that which is best. Indeed, Satan induces [dissension] among them. Indeed Satan is ever, to mankind, a clear enemy.} [Quran 17:53]

Jaabir  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him narrated that the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said: "Indeed, Iblees (Satan) places his throne on water; he then sends detachments [for creating dissension]; the nearer to him in rank are those who are those who create dissension the most. One of them comes and says: 'I did such and such.' And he says: 'You have done nothing.' Then one amongst them comes and says: 'I did not spare so and so until I separated him from his wife.' Satan brings him near to him and says: ‘you have done well.'" [Muslim and Ahmad]

You have the right to ask your husband to leave you with your family for the period that you mentioned, and we hope that he understands this and agrees to it, unless this opposes a preponderant benefit. This may be a reason for affection between you and him on one hand, and between him and your family on the other hand.

But if merely suggesting the matter to him makes him angry, then it is not wise to suggest the matter to him. It is more appropriate that you be patient as he may correct himself or you may find another more appropriate time to present the case to him.

We hope that you give him an excuse, as his refusal may be due to fearing for his religion or fearing to commit something which angers Allah when he is far away from you, or other legitimate benefits.

As for the matter of the house and taking care of the child, then your husband should help you in this. Rather, the jurists mentioned that if the wife is (in a rank the like of whom are) generally serviced, then she has the right to have a maid. You may reach an understanding with your husband in this regard.

To conclude, you should reconcile and avoid reasons of dissension as much as possible, especially that you are at the beginning of your marital life.

Allah knows best.

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