Losing Respect For The Father
Fatwa No: 414940

Question

Asalaamualaikum. I would like to know how to deal with a bad relationship between my father and I. I'm aware that I am supposed to be treating him kindly and have also been told that the pleasure of Allah lies with the pleasure of parents. However, after a series of events, I see myself losing respect for my father and wanting to have nothing to do with him. I do not want this to happen as he is my father but don't know what else to do. Please advise. Jazakallah.

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

First of all, you should be mindful of all the meanings that you mentioned, namely that it is obligatory on you to show dutifulness towards your father and be kind to him, and that earning the satisfaction of one’s father leads to earning the pleasure of Allah, The Almighty. This is one of the greatest means to help you be patient and strive to show the enjoined dutifulness to him. Verily, there is no greater blessing than earning the pleasure of Allah, The Almighty.

Second, we urge you to supplicate Allah, The Exalted, frequently to rectify his situation, because if this happened, the problem would be eliminated from its root.

You should also bear in mind that you cannot hold your father in the same standing as any other person to the extent that you would lose your respect for him. It is true that you will not be held accountable for the feelings of hatred you harbor in your heart for his bad actions; this falls into the category of the matters of the heart that are beyond the person's control. Allah, The Exalted, Says (what means): {And there is no blame upon you for that in which you have erred but [only for] what your hearts intended. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful.} [Quran 33:5]

However, you should beware of letting these feelings lead you to commit any kind of offense or abuse against him. Any abuse, as insignificant as it may be, is a kind of undutifulness towards your father. Therefore, Allah, The Almighty, forbade using even the slightest expression of discontent with the parents. He Says (what means): {And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.} [Quran 17:23] The prohibition of saying “Uff” (the slightest word of discontent) to one’s parents entails the prohibition of what is beyond it with greater reason.

Allah Knows best.

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