How to Deal with an Oppressive Father
Fatwa No: 419434

Question

How to deal with tyrant dad, who don't listen to us what ever he says we have to hear and obey him. But if it go against Quran and sunnah,what should I do not listen anyone.then he will oppress us for not listening him. Whom should I ask for help.

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

A father should not be cruel and harsh with his children; rather, he should be merciful and compassionate towards them. This is the common case with fathers, and if a father is treating his children otherwise, it is odd, and they should search for the reason for this and seek to treat it; for maybe some of their actions are the reason. Additionally, you should supplicate Allah, The Exalted, to amend his condition.

Showing dutifulness towards one’s father is obligatory, and this obligation is not waived by his bad behaviors. Allah, The Exalted, commanded children to show dutifulness towards their disbelieving parents who wrong them. He Says (what means): {And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness...} [Quran 31:14-15] However, a child should not obey his father in what involves disobedience to Allah, The Exalted, and should rather apologize politely. It was narrated on the authority of ‘Ali  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him that the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said: “There is no obedience (to a creature) in disobeying Allah. Obedience is only in what is permissible.” [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

Besides a polite apology, you can also seek the help of some relatives or friends whom he respects and holds in high regard and of whom you believe that he would most likely accept their advice. Again, we emphasize the importance of supplication and seeking the help of Allah, The Most High, The Most Competent.

Allah Knows best.

Related Fatwa