I have a son, about to be of 13 years, who has started showing the signs of puberty. My husband has decided to give him the talk related to it (including sex). The concern is, my husband has asked me that I must be present with him when he does so with the reason that if son has any queries related to a female’s body, a mother can be the best guidance for him. I am confused what should i do? If in Islam it is permissible or not, then please let me know.
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.
Sex-related matters fall under the category of instinctual matters that Allah, The Exalted, instilled in the creatures He created, including animals, let alone human beings. You do not need to talk to your children about them, and parents should instead devote their efforts to what helps them provide a sound upbringing for their children, instill faith within them, and teach them what they need to know of Fiqh rulings such as those related to ritual purity, prayer, and fasting. They should also work on making them attached to righteous environments while keeping them away from corrupt environments and from everything that might negatively affect their hearts and minds of modern devices and programs. This is in addition to surrounding them with righteous friends and enrolling them in clubs that would fill their spare time with purposeful activities.
We should not forget to remind the parents to be good role models in their interactions with their children; this makes it more likely for the children to be influenced by them and to accept their advice. We also remind you of the importance of supplication; it has an amazing effect in this regard. The parents’ supplication in favor of their children is certainly answered. It was authentically reported by Ibn Maajah on the authority of Abu Hurayrah, that the Messenger of Allah said: “Three supplications are answered (by Allah), and there is no doubt that they are answered: The supplication of a wronged person, the supplication of a traveler, and the supplication of a parent for their child.”
Lastly, we would like to draw to attention the signs of reaching puberty that the scholars mentioned. There are signs common to males and females, namely:
- The discharge of Maniyy (sexual discharge) from a male or a female whether awake or during sleep.
- The growth of pubic hair.
- Reaching fifteen years of age.
Women show two extra signs: menstruation and pregnancy.
Allah Knows best.
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