Her Husband Does Not Care about Her and Their Toddler
Fatwa No: 386698

  • Fatwa Date:20-11-2018 - Rabee' Al-Awwal 12, 1440
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Question

Assalaamu alaykum. My husband and I argue regularly due to the reasons such as he doesn’t do anything in the house besides sitting on his phone and watching football or boxing. We have a toddler now and ever since he was born I didn’t receive any help from him at all, therefore my family had to step as they saw with their own eyes how neglectful he was towards me and our son. And when I mean he doesn’t do anything, he literally doesn’t do anything and doesn’t prioritise us. If I say can you feed your son because I’m cooking, he’ll say he has to go gym etc. He will ALWAYS come out with an excuse when I ask him to do something for us. Even to simply take a bin out requires effort. I always remind him the Prophet used to always help his family in the home but it doesn’t bother him. I am running this household as single woman would and it’s very frustrating as I think if I do everything myself then what’s the point of having a husband. I have even left a few times because it got too much but that still hasn’t changed him. I have been patient and dealing with this for almost 3 years but it has stressed me out so much that has caused anxiety. What is your advice?

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

The husband is Islamically ordained to have good marital relations with his wife as Allah Says (what means): {And live with them in kindness.} [Quran 4:19]

Living with the wife in kindness is achieved by keeping good company with her, not causing any harm to her, and having good treatment with her as stated by as-Sa’di in his Tafseer (interpretation of the Quran).

You have done well, indeed, as you reminded him that this was the guidance and practice of the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) with his wives.

Indeed, the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) used to treat his wives with kindness and affection and not with harshness and roughness, and he did not consider one of them as a maid at home; rather, he  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) used to help her in the house chores.

Al-Aswad  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him said: "I asked 'Aa'ishah  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  her 'What did the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) use to do in his house?' She  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  her replied: 'He used to serve his family, and when the time for the prayer was due, he would go out for the prayer.'" [Al-Bukhaari]

It is with such cooperation that happiness is achieved in married life.

Therefore, we first recommend you to be patient and strive to avoid anxiety and tension. It is by doing so that you may determine the appropriate behavior that is expected to achieve the benefit and preserve the harmony and entity of the family.

You should continue in advising him in a good manner. You may seek the help of some of his friends who may influence him. Also, you should supplicate Allah to guide him as the hearts are in the Hands of the Lord of the Worlds and He turns them as He wishes.

For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 108187, 134654 and 249214.

Allah knows best.

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