I feel like i’ve lost almost all my emaan. Usually, during the time of ramadan i’m always so excited to get closer to allah swt and become a better muslim. This year I have failed to connect with allah swt and islam, I have been inconsistent with my prayers and fasts which hasn’t happened since I was a child. Last year, I committed more sins than i ever have and i cannot reconnect. To make matters worse I am no longer able to feel fear of death or the hereafter. I used to have panic attacks as I was overcome with fear and anxiety thinking about these things but now I literally spend hours trying to force myself to be afraid and haven’t been able to do anything? I'm just glad that i'm able to identify it as a problem before I completely lose myself. I've tried listening to lectures and some qur’aan and have prayed a few of my prayers and made dua for allah swt to soften my heart. I'm stuck and don't know what to do.
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad, is His slave and Messenger.
You must repent sincerely to Allah, The Exalted, and recall His Wrath and Punishment that He inflicts upon those who disobey Him and go against His Commands. You should remember that the heavens and earth cannot withstand His Wrath. Think about the Last Day and its grave horrors and terrors, beware of incurring the Wrath and Punishment of Allah, The Almighty, then repent to Him sincerely and strengthen your relationship with Him. Bear in mind that the door of repentance is always open and is never closed in the face of anyone until the sun rises from the West. So return to your Lord; perform abundant acts of obedience and good deeds; make up for the prayers and fasting you missed; keep the company of the righteous women who would help you adhere to the obedience of Allah, The Exalted; devote yourself to Thikr and supplication, and ask Allah to bless you with steadfastness on His Religion until the day you meet Him.
Allah Knows best.
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