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Fatwa CenterHer husband is overly critical of everyone which causes marital problems
Question
I married my husband since last year. The first time I met him on the wedding day, I noted that my husband is a kind of person who like to criticize others very much. I found that, he think only him is the right and perfect human being above all intern of Deen as well as worldly affairs. Nobody has done any right thing except him alone. He does criticize all even my families, parents whom people surrounding them give full respect, love and caring. Sometime, I feel bad because of his criticizing of my parents. But I never say any word against him since I learned that whenever, I try to stop or prevent him from criticizing others, I would get the bad respond as he will find the unreal/not true evident to show me and he will do (criticize) much then before and he forces me to agree with him in whatever he said. By this I just be patient, but I afraid that one day I will lost my patient. Actually, I don't like this behavior at all. I always pray to Allaah not to meet such this kind of person, but now I got married to. Please give me advice of how to correct my husband's behavior and Akhlaaq? How to make him a true pious man in Islam? Please help me with this. I feel tens with his attitude day by day and become more critical.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
Islam urges husbands to live honourably with their wives, Allaah says (which means): {And live with them honourably.}[Qur'an 4:19]. Allaah further says (which means): {And divorced women have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable.}[Qur'an 2:228]. To keep good marital relations between the spouses, each of them has to respect the feeling of the other.
So if your husband criticises your family, or says something about them that you do not wish to hear, then he has done something wrong. You should advise him with soft words and wisdom clarifying to him that he might have backbitten them, which is forbidden. Backbiting is one of the great major sins. Illustrate to him that it is an abominable act, and Allaah compared it to eating the flesh of the dead person in order to repel people from this sin. Allaah says (which means): {And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting).}[Qur'an 49: 12]. Besides, you should clarify to him the reality of backbiting, which is to say something about your brother that he hates to be said about him, even if it was true, but if it is not true, then it is a lie and oppression. So you should explain to him this religious ruling in kindness. You may also make use of indirect means, like booklets and tapes and so forth. You also have to supplicate to Allaah as much as possible to guide him. In doing so there is no harm in seeking the help of the righteous and trustworthy people who could influence him.
May Allaah rectify his affairs and guide him to the right path.
Allaah knows best.
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