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Fatwa CenterHer husband's brother is causing major marital problems
Question
My husband's brother came to the USA in 2002 to go to school. He lives with us where we provide all things for him. Car, car insurance, cell phone, food, home, clothing, pay his tuition for school, a computer, etc. When he first came he was well mannered but he recently started dating a Christian Lebanese girl. Since then he has been bringing her to our home while we are not there, she calls our house, he is gone all hours of the night. My husband has spoken to him several times about this, as well as him not going to school on time if at all, his lying to us etc. In particular, he has become very rude to me and has lied to my husband saying I was screaming at him and his girlfriend when she called the house. This never happened. More and more it is causing fights with my husband and I as I am of the mind set that if you are living as a guest in our home, you should be following the rules set down by the people that are paying for your very existence here. Furthermore my husband has delayed our having a baby because we "can't afford it". I am feeling very resentful toward his brother since if we weren't paying for everything for him I might be able to have a child of my own. I am very frustrated being in the same house as him and find it completely unbearable to be around him yet I know I can't ask my husband to have him leave. What can I do?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
If your brother in-law is as you stated, that his behaviour is bad and he has established a forbidden relationship with a marriageable woman who is a Christian, and that his living with you could cause an affliction between you and your husband, then he does not deserve to live with you in the same house. In addition to this, if you are sharing the amenities in the house to an extent that he can see you whenever he wants, then the matter is more serious. The Prophet 
said: "Beware of entering upon marriageable women." A man from the Ansaar remarked: "O! Messenger of Allaah, what about an in-law? He replied: He is death itself (i.e. his seclusion with women is as serious and dangerous as death)." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] Furthermore, on one hand, the jurists
stated that the wife has the right for a separate accommodation. On the other hand, the wife has the right to give birth to children, so it is not permissible for her husband to prevent her from this right without a sound religious reason. It is not permissible for him to give an excuse that he is not able to provide for the children, because it is Allaah who provides for His Servants. The provision and age of every new-born is predestined. So how can one accept the claim of your husband that he is not able to provide for a new-born while he is providing for his brother in the manner that you mentioned?
Anyway, you should advise your husband according to what we have mentioned while being wise and using good words and being keen on what benefits you. If the intention is good, then Allaah will enable you to rectify the matters between you two. Allaah says (which means): {If they both desire reconciliation, Allaah will cause it between them. Indeed Allaah is Ever All-Knower, Well-Acquainted with all things.}[Quran 4:35]. Do not forget to implore Allaah to enable your husband to accept what is more correct and righteous.
Finally, the following two matters should be noted:
1) It is forbidden for your husband to let his brother to come to your home with this woman.
2) One should endeavour to advise your brother in-law with soft words and remind him of Allaah. It might be that Allaah will turn him into a righteous man.
Allaah knows best.
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