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Fatwa CenterThe mother is enraged with her daughter’s valid marriage
Question
About a year ago, a decent educated Muslim man proposed to me marriage, and I accepted and told my parents about it. They accepted at the beginning but as soon as they knew that he lives outside our country, my mother refused the proposal completely, and she refused to even meet his mother who showed sincere readiness to interfere and make her worries go away. We both spent few months trying to get my parents just meet his with no success. Their refusal was based uniquely on the fact that he lives abroad and that I am going to have to live with him. I kept asking them to give me any other reason but not this one, but they failed to come up with one. This man made the trip to face my family and introduce himself, but my mother refused completely. I seek the help of my uncle (my mom's oldest brother), who, after meeting this person, showed a lot of appreciation, and tried to convince my mother who strict to her position. This person, went to see my father at work, and my father started to change his mind, but he couldn't excuse any authority over my mother who kept refusing. Finally, after so many attempts, we both realized that my mother will never accept because she is a very protective mother, and we decided to get married. I am now happily married to this person and pregnant. I have a good relationship with my father, and we talk every week. On the other hand, my mother refuses to talk to me because I got married without her consent. Have I committed a sin by marrying this great man knowing that his family is fully supporting our marriage? My mother keeps saying that I will loose for the rest of my life because of the absence of her blessing "al Sokht", I am terrified by this thought...please I need your guidance as soon as possible.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
First of all, you should know that if this marriage took place while fulfilling the conditions of a correct marriage, the most important of which is the consent of the guardian, then it is a correct marriage. The fact that the mother did not consent to this marriage does not affect the validity of the marriage.
However, it is on of the greatest obligations to obey the mother in what is permissible, as Allaah ordered us to be kind and dutiful to the parents. Allaah says (what means) {And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment.}[Quran 17:23].
Nonetheless, a daughter is only obliged to obey her mother when she objects to her to marry a specific man if there is a sound reason for her refusal, but if there is no valid reason, then the daughter is not obliged to obey her mother.
It appears, Allaah Knows best, that your mother refusing you to marry this man because of him being from a different country is a considerable opinion, so it was appropriate to obey her. Nonetheless, since you mentioned that this already happened then you should endeavour to please her with all permissible means.
Finally, it should be noted that the children are not obliged to obey their parents if they fear any harm of fear a hardship which they would not bear in case they obey them.
Allaah Knows best.
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