How she deals with missing her dead daughter
Fatwa No: 121840

  • Fatwa Date:13-5-2009 - Jumaadaa Al-Oula 19, 1430
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Question

Dear brother
as you know my daughter passed away 4 months back.She was my only child.Like siad in shariah we are not supposed mourn more than 3 days and should act patiently on such ocassion.I did it the same way.I did not cry when she died and mourned only for 3 days.But being mother there are times when i miss her but i dont cry because me and my husband promised each other we will always rember her with a smile on our face.She will be like a happy memory for us.So whenver i miss her i just go thruogh the family photographs or watch the movies shooted when she was alive.but i d not mourn.just miss her.Is missing my baby forbidden in islam.I mean how can i control my heart by not remembering her.please help me.

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

 

First of all, please accept our condolences on the death of your daughter and we ask Allaah to make her intercede for her parents on the Day of Judgment.

As regards you remembering your daughter and missing her, then this is permissible, Allaah willing, provided that this does not lead to a forbidden matter. There is no doubt that it is difficult for a person to control his heart over remembering his/her dead daughter, but it is better not to give way to these thoughts about remembering her lest this would lead to the forbidden lamentation or being discontent with the Predestination and Decree of Allaah. 

The following two matters should be noted:

1-     We would like to mention some religious texts about the reward of someone whose child dies, and he is patient and content, and says ‘To Allaah we belong and to him we shall return.’, and seeks the reward from Allaah. For instance, Abu Moosa Al-Ash’ari  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him narrated that the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said: "When someone’s child dies, Allaah asks His angels: "Have you taken away the soul of the child of My slave?" They would answer: "Yes, we have." Then Allaah asks them: "Have you taken the fruit of his heart?" They would answer: "Yes, we have." Then Allaah Says: “What did My slave say?" They would answer: "He praised You and affirmed: ‘To Allaah we belong and to Him we shall return’.’’ Thereupon Allaah Says: "Build for My slave a house in Paradise and name it Baitul-Hamd (The House of Praise).” [Ahmad and At-Tirmithi]

2-     Mere shedding of tears (over a dead relative) is permissible; the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said: "Allaah does not punish for shedding tears or for the grief of the heart but he punishes or bestows His Mercy for the utterance of this –and he pointed to his tongue (i.e. wailing the dead)."

For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 83577 and 85445.

Allaah Knows best.

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