Her husband is short tempered and does not like her food
Fatwa No: 124465

Question

I got childeren from my previouse marriage, and my new husband he gets verry quickly angry, i used to reply him ,but since my mum told me when he is angry or shouts just keep quite and dont talk to him, everytime i do the same sometimes i dont talk to him nearly week and he doesnt talk , am i wrong what am doing. he gets quick angry to the childeren whice they all under 6 years and he shouts to them somtimes he beats them and i cant take it but still i keep quite and my kids they verry scard to him,and somtimes he plays with them and teach them somtimes and he says i dont like your food somtimes he cookes for his self, am i wrong ? i always try my best his food and my food are not the same as we are from diffrent country do i have to cook for him by islam or will i get punished in herafter if i dont do? somtimes he uses bad words and am pregnant and somtimes i feel why i got married and am pregnant aswell now u get ill and he doesnt understand he says u doing by perpose can u help me please. JazakAllah khairan May Allah reward u all and us to Jannat all firdous Ameeen

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

 

Both spouses are ordered by the Sharee’ah to have good marital relationships with each other; Allaah Says (what means): {And due to them [i.e. the wives] is similar to what is expected to them, according to what is reasonable.}[Quran 2:228]

If the husband shouts at his wife, then this contradicts the above order, and the same thing applies to a wife who shouts at her husband. Indeed, your mother did well when she told you not to do so, and you did well when you acted according to her advice, so may Allaah reward you.

Furthermore, we advise your husband to fear Allaah and have good marital relationships with you, and he should endeavour to avoid getting angry, because anger is caused by the devil and it may lead to many evil consequences. For more benefit on how to treat anger, please refer to Fatwa 86681.

We also advise him to be kind with your children and he should be keen on nurturing them on righteousness for the sake of Allaah. He should know that nervousness with children is one of the reasons that leads to the failure of a sound nurturing.

As regards a husband deserting his wife when she is disobedient, then this is permissible but he should only desert her in bed but it is not acceptable for this to continue for a long time until the wife is harmed. However, it is not permissible for the wife to desert her husband because her deserting him may be more serious than him deserting her and this is because of the warning that is mentioned to the wife deserting her husband in bed.  

With regard to the wife serving her husband, then the most preponderant opinion of the scholars  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  them is that she is obliged to do so according to the customs. Therefore, if according to the customs in your country the wife prepares food for her husband, then you are obliged to do so if you have no sound reason for not doing so. Moreover, the husband should help his wife especially if she needs help, because the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) used to help his wives. “`Aa'ishah  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  her was asked: “What did the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) used to do in his house?” She  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  her replied: “He used to keep himself busy serving his family, and when it was time for the prayer is due, he would go out for the prayer.” [Al-Bukhari]

Furthermore, the husband should understand his wife’s situation if she is sick, and he should not overburden her with something that is beyond her ability; rather, he should help her as we already explained.

Moreover, it is disliked for a Muslim to criticize the food. Abu Hurayrah  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him said: “The Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) never criticized food, if he liked it, he would eat it, and if he disliked it, he would not eat it. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] In our view, it is easy for a woman to learn how to cook food that her husband likes.

Finally, we advise you to be patient with your husband and endeavour to have mutual understanding with him in a soft and gentle manner and supplicate Allaah as much as possible to rectify him.  As regards asking yourself how you married this man, then this is of no benefit for you; this will only make you feel more sorrowful. Further, if you are harmed by staying with him, then you have the right to ask for divorce because of the harm. Nonetheless, this should be the last solution after having exhausted all other solutions for reconciliation.

Allaah Knows best.

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