Her husband's bad traits drive her away from him
Fatwa No: 249214

  • Fatwa Date:28-4-2014 - Jumaadaa Al-Aakhir 28, 1435
  • Rating:

Question

Assalam aleikom wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. I have an imense worry. I am a practicing sister,I have been married to my husband for 6 years based on a halal marriage meaning we didnt know eachother and wanted to seek baraka from Allah for this.The problem is i am a very frank comunicative and romantic person who needs attention and time from her husband.My husband in the other hand never comunicates, he comes and goes most of the times,works a lot,stays with his parents (we have a flat inside their home) and he doesnt ever show he would love me.He treats me like friends.i have noone in his country.We argue a lot, he is immature and irresponsible, as even his family knows. He searches for excuses to cut his beard to 1 mm, doesnt practice the sunnah so much, I fear really i fear i can't be faithful to him, i want to runaway when he wants intimacy and i cry after being with him.he is a good man but i need more than this. I need things he ignores them, weeks then months pass by he keeps saying he forgets he forgets. He got an interdiction of entering in my home country. My non muslim father and brother dont get along well with him because they know he doesnt treat me as a man should. I feel he doesnt love me. I want to observe niqab and his parents are totally against, saying i drag their son to prison. He says maybe if we move to golf then we can do that. I feel i am dragged down in religious practice even though it is he who studies islam and knows the quran more.i feel i disrespect him as a man and i find all men fitna now. He never cares if i stayed in the house 1-2 weeks without going out. I advice him and speak to him he acts like he didnt hear me.I really really ask for your advice sheikh, what should i do, i worry for my akhira as im gaining sins with him by not being faithful,i see him as a child. Im always imagining im marrying someone else,l am not feeling happy with him intimately and psychologically though it would break our hearts sort of if we divorce.

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

Islam commands the husband to be kind in his relationship with his wife and keep good company with her; we have already clarified this in Fataawa 88304 and 86618.

Indeed, all husbands have a good example in how the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) treated his wives. He  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) used to race with ‘Aa’ishah, drink from the exact same place she drank from a cup, request that she cover her intimate parts with an Izaar (waist wrapper) while she was menstruating and have foreplay with her, and kiss her before leaving home, and he used to do other matters that are confirmed in his noble biography.

The fact that your father and your brother are non-Muslims should be a reason for your husband to treat you in a good manner in order to reflect the virtues of Islam and encourage them to embrace Islam and not be a cause in driving them away from it.

Our advice to you is as follows:

1- First and foremost, you should supplicate Allaah to set your husband aright and to bless both of you with affection and love towards each other and with everything that would be a cause for the continuity of your marriage. Indeed, Allaah has commanded us to supplicate Him and promised to answer our supplication. Allaah says (what means): {And your Lord says, Call upon Me; I will respond to you.” Indeed, those who disdain My worship will enter Hell [rendered] contemptible.}[Quran 40:60]

2- You should be patient as patience comforts the Muslim at times of affliction, and it is with patience that Allaah facilitates matters and renders all that is difficult easy. If a Muslim does not achieve his aims with patience, it is not with wrath and grief that he achieves them. For benefit on the virtues of patience, please refer to Fatwa 83577. If you do not find your emotional needs in your husband, you may find many other good things in him. It is not only on love that homes are built as ‘Umar  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him said. Please refer to Fataawa 86796 and 114961.

3- You should continue advising your husband in a good manner, and you should choose the best times to do that when he would most likely listen to your advice in order for the advice to bear its fruits.

4- You should beautify yourself for him, as this could be a reason for attracting his attention to you and making him attached to you. A husband likes his wife to beautify herself for him in the same way that she likes him to beautify himself for her. Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased with, said: “I like to beautify myself for my wife as I like her to beautify herself for me because Allaah says (what means): {And due to them [i.e. the wives] is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable.}[Quran 2:228]”

5- You must beware of being attracted to men other than your husband. If you have such thoughts, then you must repel them and seek refuge in Allaah from the accursed Satan, because such thoughts may cause temptation and lead to committing Zina. It is an Islamic obligation to close the doors before anything that leads to what is forbidden. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 243451.  

6- An independent accommodation is the right of the wife upon her husband as clarified in Fatwa 84608. So, you have the right to ask him for a separate accommodation and he must provide it for you even by renting it; this could be a reason for solving the problem.

7- Hating your husband should not be a reason for preventing him any right that he has on you, among which is answering his call when he invites you to bed. If he does not fear Allaah concerning your rights, then fear Allaah concerning his. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 88547.

8- If a wife is harmed by her husband, she has the right to seek divorce. If she hates him and she fears that this could be a reason to be neglectful of his rights, then, in this case, she has the right to seek Khul’ [ask for divorce in return for compensation] as the wife of Thaabit ibn Qays  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  her did. For information on the rulings of Khul’, please refer to Fatwa 89039. However, the solution is not always in divorce or Khul’ as we have already explained in Fatwa 84309.

9- Covering the face is an obligation according to the most correct opinion of the jurists, so it is not permissible for a woman to be neglectful about it. Her husband or his parents or any other person have no right to prevent her from doing so. But if it is most likely believed to result in any harm, then it is acceptable to unveil her face, following the view of those who are of the opinion that it is permissible for a woman to uncover her face, in order to repel harm. Please refer to Fatwa 196833.

10- You should be keen on your religion and do all that would be a reason to increase your faith, by seeking beneficial knowledge, performing righteous deeds and communicating with righteous women.

Allaah Knows best.

Related Fatwa