Salaam. My husband has a very close female family friend. She lives nearby and always has his attention. He speaks and sees her everyday. He lies to me and never tells me if he sees her. She is the 1st contact on his phone. She keeps all his important documents and letters in her house. She is married with 2 children. I do not know what to do. He doesn't take me anywhere and does not even spend time with our children. He is very close to her and her children. We all used to live together but I was not happy with their relationship so I told my husband I did not want to live with that woman anymore. I did not speak to her for a few years but I do speak to her occasionally for the sake of my husband. He used t drop her to work everyday but never did that to me. He has helped me financially but I feel that I am nothing compared to her. If I talk to him about her he gets very angry and has been violent in the past. Therefore I no longer mention anything, I feel sorry for my children as they do not get to see their father hardly ever, maybe a few hours a week. He always wants to do everything with her and for her. She also loves my husbands attention. She picks him up from the station and they go back to her house. He leaves early in the morning and comes back late 9pm or later. He never texts or calls to see how I am. I get very upset and depressed and sometimes wi Ant to leave him but then I look at my children and do not want them to live apart from their father. It's like they are inseparable. I have made so much dua but this has been happening for 12 years and I don't know what else to do. When my husband had a car accident he contacted her first and she told me. He just says that she is his sister but she is not. They are not related in any way. Other people comment on their relationship but they don't care. He eats at her house and go shopping together. My husband never goes shopping with me. I really need some advice on how to handle the situation. Jazak'Allah.
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.
If what you said is true, then the relationship between your husband and this woman is a sinful relationship, especially since this woman is married. The sin is in fact graver and the prohibition is more emphasized in this case because it involves transgression against her husband's honor. Please refer to Fatwa 254416.
Moreover, your husband is neglectful in fulfilling the rights of his wife and children; one of the wife's rights is that her husband treats her kindly and decently and children are entitled to their father's care, companionship, and guidance. Please refer to Fatwa 50623 about guidelines for correcting a husband who deviates from the straight path. His claim that she is like a sister to him is a false claim and a very lame justification. It is a mere means to deceive himself and others in order to justify his sinful conduct.
If your husband repents of his sinful actions and gives it up after following the instructions referred to in the Fatwa, then thank Allaah. However, if he persistently carries on with this sinful relationship, you are advised to consider leaving him. Living with such a man brings about nothing but evil.
The Hanbali jurist Al-Buhooti said: "If the husband neglects any of the rights of Allaah, it is recommended for the wife – just as it is recommended for the husband in a similar situation – to request termination of the marital bond, i.e. demand Khul‘, for his neglect of the rights of Allaah."
However, there is no harm if the wife chooses to adhere to patience and endure his conduct for a valid benefit, such as to provide a good upbringing for their children, or if there is hope that his situation will be rectified in the future.
Allaah Knows best.
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