Please answer personally and do not refer to any similar fatwa. I have asked this question several times, but I did not get an answer. I am asking about what we learn from a certain hadith: that for a woman, marriage is important; it is either her Hell or her Heaven. But the hadith addressed to men indicates that it is not that important; it is neither their Hell nor their Heaven. It seems that if you fulfill your wife's rights, you will get a higher rank, and if not, then that is still ok. Telling men to treat their wife kindly is not a strong warning. We, as Muslims, have to treat everyone kindly. So does it mean that marriage is more important for women, and that for men it is just a way to increase their rank?
All perfect praise be to Allah, the Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.
First of all, you should know that what is described as being the wife’s Heaven or Hell is the husband.
Al-Husayn ibn Muhsan reported that his aunt came to the Prophet for a need, and when she finished, the Prophet asked her, “Do you have a husband?” She replied, “Yes.” He said, “How do you treat him?” She replied, “I try to fulfill all his rights upon me unless I am unable to do so.” Thereupon, he said, “Look to how you are with respect to him, for he is your Heaven or Hell (i.e. you will be admitted to Paradise or thrown into hell according to the way you treat him).” [Ahmad]
What is meant is the emphasis on the right of the husband on his wife, and that she should obey him in what is permissible. This is what the scholars understand from the hadeeth.
Al-Munaawi said in Faydh Al-Qadeer, “He (i.e. the husband) is your Heaven or Hell means that he is the reason for you entering Paradise by him being pleased with you, and the reason for you entering Hellfire if he is displeased with you; so treat him in a good manner and do not disobey him as long as he does not command you to disobey Allah.”
The scholars did not understand what you understood from the hadeeth; that if a husband did not fulfill the rights of his wife upon him, that there is nothing wrong with that; rather, the wife for her husband is his Heaven or Hell also, as she has rights on him in the same manner that he has rights on her. So if he fulfills those rights, it is a reason for him to enter Paradise, and if he is negligent about them, then this could perhaps be a reason for him to enter Hellfire.
We have already referred you to fatwa 85308 about the rights of each spouse upon the other. So it becomes clear that the command for husbands to be kind to their wives is a serious matter in the same way that the command for the wives to obey their husbands is also a serious matter.
We finally advise you to endeavor to avoid this Waswaas (obsessive doubts and thoughts) related to this issue about which you have asked us some questions previously. Instead, you should ask about matters that lead to doing good deeds.
Allah knows best.
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