Dear Sir, I have been married for the last four years and have no Kids. My wife is from a big city, and she has always wanted to settle in her home city, but I was not ready for that. In the third year of marriage, she managed to take me to her home-parental city to settle there. Then, however, she started to avoid me and spend times with her friends and relatives only, and not with me. She goes about here and there like a college girl and avoids me. Neither does she cook food for me, nor does she sleep (with me), nor does she even talk for an hour in the day with me, and she insults me, directly, and indirectly. She does not listen to me in support of her family and is just avoiding me, which keeps surprising and hurting me. So I decided to go back to my native city, and she refused to go with me. She has still not come to date, and I have been waiting for her to come back for the last 13-14 months. She is intentionally not talking to me, nor does she come to my home. She will not live with me at my parental house and forces me to settle in her maternal city, where I am not comfortable. My whole family tried to talk her and ask her to come back. We have asked a middle man to solve the issue and make them talk, but without any result. On the other side, her family creates a negative picture of me, and her brother keeps telling that middle man that they will file fake a case of (unpaid) dowry, domestic violence, etc. I did not want to give her a divorce until now, but there is no response coming from her and her family members. The situation has been thus for the last 13-14 months. How are we to go about this? Now we offered them that if she wants to end our relationship, she should give me a divorce from her side. I am not divorcing her from my side in order to avoid to bear the legal consequences, but she is neither coming back, nor giving me a divorce! How do we find a better solution? Please advise about what to do in this situation. What is your advise for men like me? How can I get rid off and free myself from this lady and save my life?
All perfect praise be to Allah, the Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.
We have already highlighted in fatwa 281701 that a woman must live with her husband wherever he resides. So please refer to it.
If your wife does not have any reason for not moving with you to live with you wherever you reside, then she is a disobedient and rebellious wife (a Naashiz).
For information on how to treat a rebellious wife, please refer to fatwa 85402.
It should be noted here that a wife has the right to have an independent and separate accommodation from that of her family or that of her husband’s family; so she does not have to live with any of them. Please refer to fatwa 357067.
We advise you to supplicate Allah to rectify her condition and continue in mediating wise people from your family and hers to reconcile between both of you.
If this is achieved, praise be to Allah; otherwise, you have the right to refrain from divorcing her until she ransoms herself with a sum of money or the like (by doing a Khul‘ [divorce instigated by the wife in return of a financial compensation]).
You can also take the case to an Islamic Center if necessary.
Allah knows best.
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