Husband Neglects Her and the Children
Fatwa No: 389404

  • Fatwa Date:1-1-2019 - Rabee' Al-Aakhir 24, 1440
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Question

Salam aleikum I have a question regarding my marriage situation as i find it very bad. My husband is out with friends all night . He comes Home around 4 or 5 in the morning. Takes sleeping pills and then sleep all day . I hate this and i told him but he dosent care . He continues doing it . Which of Course leaves me not Only lonely during the Days and nights bcz we never spend any time together . He sleep until 4 or 5 in after nooon. I take kids to school which takes me 40 min there and back and would take him 5 min with car. I cook . I clean . I go shopping food Which of Course is heavy carrying . I do Home work with kids . Take them to mosque and back . Take them out playing . Educate them . Spend time with them and he does absolutely nothing but living life of teenager without responsibility . Sometimes me and kids have to go in heavily raining to school and back and i feel sorry for kids while he is Home sleeping living his life. Last week i had to go to doctor and he refused driving me which would have take about 30 min there and back instead it took me almost 4 hours with bus and i came Home wet bcz of the raining ( we live in England where Always raining ) i came back Home and found the Home in a mess as he just leaves everything around and makes Home dirty . I went abroad a few weeks ago and came back and took me almost a week to clean the Home bcz he just threw things and clothes every where. Every time he ate food or kids he took all the dishes and put them in a big plastic bowl in hot tub and left them for me there . It took me ceveral hours just to wash them .. I had been travelling all night slept 4 hours and cleaned all day his mess . I had to travel bcz of some Police issue and kids were going in school so couldent take them with me . All this situation makes me angry . I Dont feel like a wife . I feel like a maid nothing more. He never spend time with me or takes me out . Im Always alone or with kids.

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger. {C}

First of all, we ask Allah to relieve your distress, make a way out to your hardship, and reform your husband. We ask Allah to grant you patience with him, as the outcome of patience is good, Allah willing. For more benefit about the virtue of patience, please refer to Fatwa 83577.

There is no doubt that your husband is very wrong with this behavior –if it is true –and is acting contrarily to the Commandment of his Lord in keeping good marital relations with his wife. Allah Says (what means): {And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.} [Quran 4:19]

Al-Jassaas  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  him said while commenting on the above verse:

"This is an order to the husbands to live with their wives in kindness. This kindness entails fulfilling her rights, such as giving her the dowry, spending on her, being fair when distributing the sleeping time shared (amongst co-wives), not to harm her with harsh words, not abandon her, not to become inclined to other wives more than her, not to frown or scowl at her without a reason, and so forth. This has the same meaning as the Saying of Allah (which means): {Then, either keep [her] in an acceptable manner or release [her] with good treatment.} [Quran 2:229]" [End of quote]

It seems that your husband did not understand the true meaning of married life; that it is affection, mercy, mutual respect, mutual understanding, solidarity and cooperation.

He has a good example in the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) who said: "The best amongst you are those wo are the best to their wives, and I am the best to my wives." [At-Tirmithi] This is how the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) was with his wives, as he used to sit with his wives, be compassionate with them, and help them in the household chores.

Aa'ishah  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  her was asked: "What did the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) use to do in his house?" She replied: “He was a human being just like all other human beings. He used to remove the fleas from his clothes, milk his sheep, and serve himself." [Ahmad]

Work outside the house is the duty of the husband. This is what the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) ruled between ‘Ali and Faatimah  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  them. Ibn Al-Qayyim  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  him said in his book Zaad Al-Ma’aad: “Chapter on the ruling of the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) about the wife serving her husband: “Ibn Habeeb said in Al-Waadhihah: the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) judged between ‘Ali and his wife Faatimah  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  them when they complained to him about tiredness (of Faatimah) resulting from the service (at home); so he ruled that Faatimah does the interior work, which is the work at home, and that ‘Ali does the apparent work (i.e. the work done outside the house); then Ibn Habeeb said: the interior work (at home) includes dough making, cooking, making the bed, sweeping and cleaning the house, bringing the water, and all the house chores.” [End of quote]

We first advise you to supplicate Allah, as He is able to reform your husband, as Allah is over all things Omnipotent.

Try to advise him in a good manner in the light of what we have mentioned, and you can seek the help of his close friends if necessary, as advice may be beneficial to him. If this is achieved, then praise be to Allah; otherwise, you have the right to take the matter to the people in charge of Islamic Centers if you think that this will be beneficial, perhaps they can reconcile between you and your husband.

For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 235447 and 386848.

Allah knows best.

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