Husband Spends Most of His Time Caring for His Mother
Fatwa No: 396439

Question

My question is my husband who I recently married supporters his mom 100% with everything, financially and all matters. He didnt tell me that before marriage, the issue is that he has a sisiter and an older brother and hia older brother is well off and earns good momey but does not support the mom with anything because my husband want to do it all himself because he belives taking care of his mom is like sadaka . The main issue is that now i have to spend more than half or my salary which is more than what i was spending before marrying him so we can afford living bybrenting a new place and be able to save . Also being the only one who supports his mom , she always wants him around to take her places and drop her off to visit people and so on which most times does not leave us alone time as he is always around her for her needs( she is in perfect health) . She is not accepting the fact that her son is married and she thinks i took him away from her and at the same time he never says no to her which is really stressing me out. Before we got married he told me i will be moving with him in his apartment and his mom will move with his brother because he has a biger space or she will move to government housing but after we did Nikah he told she is not moving and i have to move and live with them because his mother changed her mind and doesn’t want lo leave the apartment.But i refused because i want my privacy and the apartment is very small , he was very mad at first and she keep telling him that he works hard for this money and he shoulf not rent out a place with me even though ill be paying most of the rent. Also to let you know, she gets money allowance from government but my husband tells her to keep it for herself and not spend anything as he pays everything for her. Is what my husband doing is right? And how shouldi talk to him about this issue ?

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

It is good that your husband is keen on being kind and dutiful to his mother and help her with some of his money, even if she does not need it, and to comfort her heart.

This is kindness and dutifulness to the parents and this is a great matter, especially to the mother, as we have already highlighted in Fataawa 87019 and 84942, so please refer to them. We hope that, because of this dutifulness, blessing and goodness will prevail in your family.

However, despite what we have mentioned about the excellence of kindness and dutifulness to the mother, it is not permissible for your husband to be unjust to you or wrong you because of being dutiful to his mother.

He must fulfill the rights of his mother and fulfil your rights as well. Among your rights upon him is to spend on you in reasonable terms, namely to provide you with what suffices you of food, drink and clothing. He must also provide you with an independent accommodation, even if it is a rented one. You are not Islamically obliged to live with his mother or any of his relatives. Also, he does not have to obey his mother if she prevents him from providing you with this accommodation. Additionally, you do not have to spend from your own money on yourself or pay part of the rent, unless you do so with your own free will.

For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 253297, 297622, 260551340528, and 131695.

Making you happy and allocating some time for you too to express sympathy and enjoy times of friendliness and to have pleasant moments with each other; this is part of the good marital relatioship towards you as the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) used to do with his wives.

We advise you discuss this matter with your husband in a soft and gentle manner in light of what we have mentioned. However, you should choose the most appropriate time to speak with him about this.

Supplicate Allah earnestly to guide him and make him regain his senses. It is also acceptable to seek the help of his relatives and friends to speak to him about this if necessary. However, it is better, whenever possible, to solve your problems with him without the intervention of any outside parties.

Allah knows best.

Related Fatwa