Salaam alaykum.May Allah reward you for all the efforts to provide fatwa for the community.
A man has proposed to marry me.We both have jobs.
He has borrowed money from me (loan) and not returned it (paying back) when he promised he would.
He is also struggling to accept that husband should provide the wife with food, shelter, clothing. He wants us to put our money in one pot which i dont want to do because i feel he is taking advantage of me.
He complains whenever i tell him am spending my salary on anything. He says i'd rather contribute this money to OUR future together and he says WE should work on projects together and i believe this is a trick to get me financially involved in HIS ambitious projects (am not willing and i have informed him this)
I want to get married, but am also afraid about this behaviour. i dont mind supporting a responsible husband but this one seems to be taking advantage of me.
What wisdom can you give me in this respect.
should i get married to him and provide for my own needs?
Should we delay nikah until he can support me?
Should i look for another marriage partner? jazakallahu khayr
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.
Firstly, we would like to underline that a woman (in Islam) has her own independent financial ownership (and liability). This means that the money she earns through permissible means is her personal property and she is entitled to dispose of it freely as she wishes within the limits of what is permitted by the Sharee‘ah, and her husband has no right to take anything of it except with her consent. The Prophet said: “No person’s wealth is lawful (to be taken) except by his (or her) consent.” [Ahmad] Moreover, her husband does not have the right to compel her to dispose of her money in any specific manner or to enter into a partnership with him or with anyone else; this matter is up to her, and she may accept it or refuse it.
Secondly, it is incumbent on the husband to provide for his wife on a reasonable basis, whether she is rich or poor. This is a right granted to her by the Sharee‘ah and an obligation on the husband in all cases. So if she willingly chooses to help her husband financially by providing for herself and her child, she is entitled to do so, and it is commendable of her as it strengthens their relationship and helps her earn his affection, and it is hoped to contribute to sustaining good companionship between them. However, the husband does not have the right to compel her to do so.
Thirdly, the qualities that a woman should keenly seek in a husband are religiosity and good moral conduct. It was narrated on the authority of Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of Allah said: “If a man whose religiosity and moral conduct are pleasing to you proposes to you, accept his marriage proposal; otherwise, there will be Fitnah (temptation) and great mischief on earth.” [At-Tirmithi and Ibn Maajah] Also, it was narrated in a report about Al-Hasan Al-Basri and cited by Al-Baghawi in Sharh As-Sunnah that a man came to Al-Hasan Al-Basri and said: “I have a daughter whom I love, and a number of suitors proposed to marry her; to whom do you advise me to marry her off?” He said: “Marry her off to a man who fears Allah; if he loved her, he would honor her, and if he disliked her, he would not wrong her.”
Fourthly, based on the foregoing, if you think that this man most likely wants to take advantage of your wealth and you fear that this would cause marital problems in the future and might weaken your marriage or lead to divorce, then our advice to you is to refuse his marriage proposal and look for another righteous man; it is permissible for a woman to look for a husband, as underlined in Fatwa 82471.
Fifthly, it is impermissible for a man and a woman who are not Mahram to each other (i.e. who are marriageable) to engage in talking, except for a need, as previously explained in Fataawa 379204 and 129794.
Allah Knows best.
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