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Fatwa CenterHis wife is not ready to have intercourse with him
Question
I was too young to decide either should get married nor not? So, I asked an advice from my friends and family. Most of them would say YES go on and don't loose this opportunity. I asked the bride if she really want this, and she said YES. I didn't know that word YES would fool me. In our tradition, a man who's studying abroad is a rightful groom that everybody's would be proud of. She might be afraid from her parents that her parents want me to be part in their family. The last one i asked about this was my father. And he told me not to. Because, he was afraid that it would be a threat to my studies. As a stubborn child, I continued to marry her. Both side of our family gathered in that day of our wedding ceremony. But I never expected that on our first night was failed. I never felt something to make the first move. Until I did the move on the following days. That was the day I knew that she really doesn't like me to be her husband. I tried to talk to her privately and have some dinner outside. She was always refusing. I felt very sad when the day I was going to go back abroad. Nothing happened between us. Then, when came back, I tried to contact her on every communication i know. I could only contact her on her mother's phone. On my following vacation, I tried it again and she said that she wasn't ready to have an intercourse. I told her that if she wouldn't give me I would go far away from her. She never gave me. And I actually did what I told her. I went away with intention of never coming back to her. It was so very painful. I came home to my mother and stayed for a few days. Because, my grandmother told me that if I would never come back to her don't you dare call me as your grandmother. With a full respect, I went back to her. And I never touched her knowing that it might be haram because I intended not coming back to her. I stayed in their home for a few days only until I came back abroad. I am afraid that I might violated an Islamic Law. What should i do?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
If an Islamic marriage contract had been conducted between you and that woman with the consent of her guardian and the presence of two witnesses, then she has become your wife. If you had given her immediate dowry, then it is not permissible for her to refuse to respond to your call to bed unless she has a legitimate excuse; for more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 85219 and 81787.
So, if she refuses your call to bed without any legitimate excuse, then she is Naashiz (recalcitrant). Indeed, we have already issued Fatwa 85402 clarifying the steps to be taken in order to treat the recalcitrance of the wife, so please refer to it.
Moreover, if the wife is Naashiz, she loses her right upon her husband to spend on her until she ends her recalcitrance.
As regards saying to your wife “I would go far away from you”, then this does not lead to anything if you did not intend to initiate divorce.
What we advise you to do is to ask for the intervention of rational people from your family and hers so that they would try to reconcile between you two. If reconciliation is achieved, praise be to Allaah, otherwise it is more appropriate for you to divorce her.
Also, you may refuse to divorce her until she gives you compensation as the scholars stated in regard to a Naashiz wife.
Allaah Knows best.
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