Her mother urges her not to consummate marriage with her husband
Fatwa No: 194927

  • Fatwa Date:13-1-2013 - Rabee' Al-Awwal 2, 1434
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Question

Salam wa alikum May Allah bless you for the work you do and the help you give. May Allah grant you and your descendants jannah and bless you therein. I am 20 years old and recently got married in march 2012 I made istikhara before I made my decision to get married and accepted afterward. The person I Maried is within the family and everyone especially my parents were telling me to make a decision once and for all. I was engaged to this person but was only ten years old at the time. I am now quiet happy despite the fact that the grown UPS were fighting about the mahr that was being given by the gromes side. I am Alhamdulliah practicing while my parents are not may Allah be praised for guiding me for such a long time I have loved Islam as long as I can remember. My husband is in Pakistan and attempts to pray the five daily prayers and has kept a beard ever since our wedding or before. My mother now however is not happy with my marriage despite the fact that she was convincing me he was a good match before the nikkah. My husband and I did not get a chance to have intimacy after the wedding and my mother now says it is because Allah was saving me we came back in April and ever since my mother has been telling me not to contact my husband and to end the relationship. She says that he is just like my father as he is from my fathers side. I feel a very strong connection with my husband even though I live in the UK and he has been in Pakistan since the wedding. My mother refuses to listen and has become violent on the matter taking my phone away, swearing at me, hitting me I am not complaining I honestly am very lost as I don't know what to do it is ruining the connection between me and my mother as I am still live with my parents my father advises me to continue the relationship. I do read istikhara quiet often and seem to be okay with him. Do note my husband is my cousin I don't know if my mum is even making a valid point for divorce mentioning things that may happen

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.

There is no doubt that the parents have a great status, especially the mother, as the Sharee’ah allocated for her three-quarters of the dutifulness to the parents. However, in what you mentioned, it seems that your mother has no sound reason for ordering you to take the initiative to divorce your husband, so you are not obliged to obey her, as obedience to parents is not absolute, rather it has limits which we have already clarified in Fatwa 131695.

Therefore, we advise you to be gentle and kind to your mother even if she mistreats you. You should try to convince her by seeking the help of some rational people and those who may influence her. But you should not forget about supplicating Allaah as there is much good in it. For more benefit on being kind and dutiful to the parents under all circumstances, please refer to Fataawa 87019 and 82254.

On the other hand, if a woman is married, then her husband has more right over her than her parents and obeying him comes in priority over obeying them. Also, the husband has the right that if he calls his wife to bed, she is obliged to obey him; if she refuses without a valid reason, then the threat mentioned in the following Hadeeth of the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) applies to her: ''If a husband calls his wife to bed (to have sexual intercourse with her) and she refuses, and he spends the night angry with her, the angels will curse her until she gets up in the morning." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Also, the husband has the right upon his wife that she resides wherever he resides, so if your husband asks that you reside with him in Pakistan, you are obliged to obey him and it is not permissible for you to refuse (his request) or to obey your mother if she prevents you as long as you had not conditioned on him before the marriage contract to reside with your parents.

Finally, we advise you to be wise in solving the problems and to be keen on dealing with them in the way that causes the least damage possible.

We ask Allaah good for all.

Allaah Knows best.

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