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Fatwa CenterHer husband disrespects her and her parents
Question
Assalam Alaikum I met my husband 12 years ago,fell in love nd we got married after a long struggle as both our parents were not hapoy to get us married. Its been 4 years now that we are married and have a 3 year old daughter.Since the day i got married my father in law has been very rude and negative towards me and my husband has never supported me. We got married after a long struggle but after our marriage my husband is a totally different person. He is always insulting my parents and me. We get into soo much fights and in the end we just say that its better to get seperation as our marriage is not working.he doesnt let me go visit my parents. My parents live in a different country. In our fights he kept on saying leave my daughter wid me nd u can go.ive been depressed and soo hurt since the day i got married tht i dont know what todo. He was transfered in a difff ciuntry nd we went with him .he is soi sweet wen we are alonee but as soon as he comes to his parents place he becomez weird. His mood js always cranky and he fights wid me and insults me in front of hiz parents tht now im relly fed up.plz advice me what to do..i cannot live my whole life like this and i cannot leave my daughter wid him. I have loved him dearly and have fought wid myfamily to get married to him but in return i have been treated very badly tht im soo broken now.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and messenger.
We would like to point out that pre-marital love relationships between men and women are strictly forbidden in Islam. We have underlined that it Fatwa 81356. So, you both should repent of what you have done. The conditions for repentance are highlighted in Fatwa 86527.
Verily, a husband is enjoined to live with his wife in kindness and respect, as underlined in Fataawa 86618 and 88304. On the other hand, one of the wife’s rights over her husband is for him to provide for her a separate accommodation instead of making her to share an accommodation with her in-laws. According to the Islamic Sharee'ah, a wife is not obliged to live with her in-laws, including the husband’s parents, in the same house. Please refer to Fatwa 92421.
Undoubtedly, your husband’s maltreatment, disrespect of you and your family, and the harsh attitude of his parents towards you are unacceptable and contradict the obligation of living with one’s wife on a footing of kindness and the required respect and rapport that should be found between the in-laws and their daughter-in-law. If the wife's in-laws abuse her in any way, the husband is obliged to ward off this abuse to the best of his ability without being undutiful towards his parents or his relatives.
Moreover, the husband is encouraged, out of good conduct, to help his wife visit and keep in touch with her family, as possible, and facilitate that for her.
We advise you to adhere to patience and supplicate Allaah to rectify your affairs. Nufay’ ibn Al-Haarith 
reported that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “The supplication to be said by a person afflicted with grief and distress is, 'Allaahumma rahmataka arju fala takilni ila nafsi tarfata ‘ayn, wa aslih li sha’ni kullah, la illaaha illa ant (which means: O Living, Sustaining of all the existence! In Your Mercy I seek relief; rectify for me all of my affairs and do not leave me to myself, even for the blink of an eye. None is worthy of worship but You).'” [Abu Daawood and An-Nasaa’i]
Moreover, you should keenly reach an understanding with your husband.
Spouses may believe that divorce is the optimal solution for their marital problems; however, it should be the last resort as underlined in Fatwa 85044. The spouses should leave no stone unturned and strive to reach reconciliation, seeking the help and mediation of wise people so as to accomplish that objective. Spouses should not resort to divorce unless its benefits outweigh its bad consequences. However, in most cases, divorce's bad consequences outweigh its benefits, especially as your daughter might be harmed by divorce, as she would be deprived of having her two parents with her and this would negatively affect her upbringing.
Allaah Knows best.
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